Saturday, December 17, 2005

"if you'd played by yourself none of this would have happened"


I've known about you for a little while now, but I got to see you for the first time two days ago. You couldn't see me and I'm sure you were wondering what in the hell was going on. You should go ahead and get used to that question, because your life isn't going to be easy, and it probably won't make sense to any of us, especially you, ever.

Now now....Don't let me lead to believe that it's going to be a horrible thing to have to deal with....You've got plenty of things going for you. For one thing you are loved. You will always be cared for and taken care of. You're strong. That's a big plus. You've made it this far and that's pretty incredible. Granted...You're not out of the woods yet, but I have faith. Let's see, what else? You're healthy as far as we can tell....So that's SUPER HUGE AWESOME news. Yeah, so there's that. Odds seem to be in your favor. Life is good.

Here's the thing. After I saw you I was sitting in a room all by myself, and I was overwhelmed by it all, by you I suppose. No one wants to disappoint the ones they love, but it's only those people that expect enough to be in danger of being disappointed. I realize that might make zero sense right now, but you'll understand some day. I want to be the best EVERYTHING I can for you, but I KNOW I will let you down at some point, somewhere along the way I will disappoint you. So I'm sitting in this room and I just burst into tears. I hugged myself as if I was hugging you and then I apologized profusely for every time I let you down. We don't really know each other yet, since you have no idea that I exist or of role I will eventually play in your life, but my hopes are that someday we'll be incredibly close to each other. I hope you'll look to me for support and guidance. I want with all my heart to a person that you'll look up to. A person you'll be able to respect.

The future remains a mystery as it always will, but I've got a lot of faith and hope for us. I honestly don't feel like I'll be able to wait until I can see you, touch you, meet you up close and personal, and introduce myself to you. *Love the shit out of you*

So I guess that's all I have to say right now. There won't be daily updates for you here by any means, but my plan is to try and write to you fairly often until I can just talk with you instead. I love you more than even I can understand at this point. I'm also scared enough for the both of us....So you should just relax and get yourself together. You'll have plenty of time in the future to worry and stress. I promise.

1 comment:

King Of Hearts said...

yep right mate.